Love Teacher

In the last year, I feel I have come upon the most resistant , fearful feelings that live inside of  me. And what a big help it turns out to be that I learned and still  review simple tools  to let this fear go..albeit slowly, at times…

Holding on to fears is disease in the making . The first thing we do when we feel fearful is  to hold our breath ,when taking slow breaths would curb its potential onslaught.
Viewing life from the perspective of consciousness, makes all the difference in the world. We know there is more to us than the body we inhabit. And our day literally turns out well based on which aspect of ourselves we choose to feed. We can nuture our consciousness or everything else.
We experience ourselves as consciousness , as part of the oneness of all life in meditation as we are disciplined enough to outlast the monkey chatter of the mind.We can further clear all those judgements we hold and ones still  to come as we go thru our day. They serve only to resist , to block the natural function of the heart …to see love in all things.
And there we have it . Two opposing forces living in one body. How does it all come together?
Wouldn’t you know it would be the heart that bridges the two selves? Not the heart of,” I will love you if you love me.”The heart that says ,”I love u anyway, no matter what.”
I have found true centre as many others before me.  A deep well of love is  ever expanding there as we give focus to it rather than to fear.
To acknowledge a negated bit of myself  , a part of me that I could not bear to own up to in prior moments , this heart of love gently surrounds this unwanted bit of me in the kindest, purest, beat of her fiery heart , and melts the icy stab of fear.It rises in mists of sweet surrender to become part of the whole spiraling upwards. .
When we are in despair , we don’t remember that some bit is ready to come home and its telling us in the language it knows…in the language we unconsciously programmed it to use.
It may sound angry. It may use harsh words.It may yell ” Get Away, you ugly bitch!”
And here is where those simple  tools for remaining judgement free come in to play. This is the time ,as all times are, to stay steady . strong. unwavering.centered in the heart.

This the time to say ,”Thank you for letting me know you are there. I love you.I release the judgement I held on you. I accept you exactly as you are. Thank you for what you taught me about life. Thank you for trusting me to bring you home to my bigger self. Thank you for teaching me how to love.”

Thank u.

 

I’d Better Tell You Now

I’d  better tell you now

from this view,

about the river

of unending

thank yous

running in me

to you.

 

the companion you are

that you have been

heart of my heart

skin of my skin

waliking with me,

it seems,

thru many times and forms

together

mirroring our unsettledness,

our returning

to embrace Love’s

gifts,

 

beyond the hugs and kisses

beyond laughter and collaboration

to the tears ,separation

sickness

loss

trauma and devastation

even so

learning that

we are fortunate

to be on the journey,

to give it direction

and to b joyous in its unfolding

no matter what.

and in those moments

of

finding we can accept

it all

we become

whole,

one

breathing organism

of

life, no

more

other.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Choose Love

The time for pondering,

maybe I will ,

maybe I won’t,

i f s//he does first,

I will .

We  simply and emphatically

have  to grow up,

be the bigger person,

let life thrive on the planet

Lets use the stuff we cant abide in another

to be a mirror

to heal  that same quality

in ourselves.

Our own past wounding has

hidden it from our eyes.

We literally are hurting ourselves when we

hurt another,

Let us live another day

to know better

the power of Love.

Let us choose Love

at every turn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Awaken,True Love

 

ONCE,  life was all about finding my true love, my soul mate. I was persistently looking in all the wrong places.

Versions of me  attracted similar versions of love. Yes, quite likely the best that each man had to give me at that point in his life. It left me scarred, disappointed, and distrustful of my own heart’s knowing. I found one heartbreak after another with each succeeding relationship being more dysfunctional.

No one had that perfect love I was looking for and no one could receive the enormity of  what I felt I had to give. Being the stubborn sort who does not quit in the face of obvious defeat, I persevered.

It was almost laughable. Even to me. Why?

I  fall in love too quickly. I started to see it wasn’t so important who was in front of me stirring the love notions in my soul, it was the feeling being ignited inside when someone appealing was in front of me.

Yes, it mattered who and what he was like, but, really, it wasn’t until I met a guy named Omar that I realized where to turn for he ,too, hungered for the very same faceless, formless lover as myself.

This man had the ability to stay focused  on his silent engagement within in the presence of women hungry for attention.  It gave him a peace that we could not.

One evening in the presence of Omar was enough to set me on a different kind of journey, a journey within.

There did come the critical mass of declining relationships that sent me home to lick my wounds alone. I met loneliness face to face, entered thru its doors , wondering whether I was made for partnership.

And then the magic happened. In my self imposed alone time, I realized I was having a great opportunity to be with it. To call it mine. I accepted it.  The sting of loneliness , of being single, ceased .

Yes, a few years later, I did meet my life partner who has similar yearnings. However,  first  love ,real and true,  woke up within me. And yes, I am still on my journey, ever expanding inward, to become the love I seek.

Each of us has the built in inner workings to spring back, to heal, and to create a new reality for our self. If we choose, we can feel all of the life we’ve lived , the best of it, the worst of it , and all that lies in between , honoring what we learned.

Let us be abundantly informed with our elegant tapestry of yearnings, failings, and successes. We can refuse our creation, hide it, or display it with grace.

Somewhere along the way is our awakening as we cry out for relief. We hear the voice of the heart that counsels. We feel the spirit rise as we surrender to the safe haven deep within our heart’s chamber doors. We discover Love, real and true, burning, pulsing, and expanding within, consuming the chain of hurts from the choices we made or refused to make.

Are you looking for your true love? Keep going, you‘re almost there.

Copyright 2007 Linda Lawson

 

 

.

 

Me? Love”Them ” ?

Did I know the extent of the damage I had done to myself in judging  the past? I carried it with me like truckloads of judged  art that no one loved.

INflamed tissues, bleeding from within bursting with  unforgiven tears, stopped healthy growth in its tracts.

Yes, i prevented me from prospering, from releasing  that which  needed to go

i was like a thing that had eaten away at itself.

thinking i was revealing the wrongs of others,  them,  i was also striking at me that i could not see

thank u other, i bow to you , i owe my ever greater vision of wholeness to

you

Thinking i was due what they had earned ate away at my sense of self. My gifts went cold waiting for my gratitude and attention.

i lost  desire to nurture  all of me.

yes, all the proper emotions are there to make me a fitting case for sympathy. yet sympathy is inadequate to heal a broken heart. it is too weak  to penetrate into the depths of pain waiting to be healed

decisive , soft, fiercely true , is the love i must know

when i choose fear , fear is what i see in every turn. when i choose love, i see the love that has always been  and always will be there, sitting with me guarding me, walking with me into the way ahead

it is simple to understand. it is not easy to know.

i shall keep on going.

loving more all the while.

 

 

 

 

 

Choosy Artist

judgement is the color

we paint on life’s canvas

when we have

forgotten

to say

thank YOU

for this part

of the journey.

our painting

evokes despair.

let us create

with

Wonder’s eyes

envsioning

bold hues

lovingly

grace

our being

and doing .

let us release

the burden

we thought we

had to carry

for whatever we did

or thought , or said.

back to that moment when

the choice

was made

to embrace

something

less than

LOVES’s power

to penetrate

all.