One Solitary Tear

“what about incest ?
do the children tell ?
how do people find out ?
the children don’t understand that it’s not ok”

his words faded into a blur

“and it feels good

so

this is just something i do

with ____
they don’t know to tell”

 

i felt a tear roll slowly down my cheek
surprised because i did not feel

the rush of emotion that comes most often with crying
it was that suppressed.
i tried to answer his questions

as if

nothing was wrong

and i tried to wipe away the tear

without notice
but he who had seen many faces like mine go blank

and bodies freeze and words fall away

noticed my finger slide under my glasses
upon my lower eye socket
he saw the hurt i  tried to wipe away
and he witnessed the part of me that  had been stolen

quietly.

respectfully,

honorably

allowing me to fully accept

this part of me

too.

 

Love Teacher

In the last year, I feel I have come upon the most resistant , fearful feelings that live inside of  me. And what a big help it turns out to be that I learned and still  review simple tools  to let this fear go..albeit slowly, at times…

Holding on to fears is disease in the making . The first thing we do when we feel fearful is  to hold our breath ,when taking slow breaths would curb its potential onslaught.
Viewing life from the perspective of consciousness, makes all the difference in the world. We know there is more to us than the body we inhabit. And our day literally turns out well based on which aspect of ourselves we choose to feed. We can nuture our consciousness or everything else.
We experience ourselves as consciousness , as part of the oneness of all life in meditation as we are disciplined enough to outlast the monkey chatter of the mind.We can further clear all those judgements we hold and ones still  to come as we go thru our day. They serve only to resist , to block the natural function of the heart …to see love in all things.
And there we have it . Two opposing forces living in one body. How does it all come together?
Wouldn’t you know it would be the heart that bridges the two selves? Not the heart of,” I will love you if you love me.”The heart that says ,”I love u anyway, no matter what.”
I have found true centre as many others before me.  A deep well of love is  ever expanding there as we give focus to it rather than to fear.
To acknowledge a negated bit of myself  , a part of me that I could not bear to own up to in prior moments , this heart of love gently surrounds this unwanted bit of me in the kindest, purest, beat of her fiery heart , and melts the icy stab of fear.It rises in mists of sweet surrender to become part of the whole spiraling upwards. .
When we are in despair , we don’t remember that some bit is ready to come home and its telling us in the language it knows…in the language we unconsciously programmed it to use.
It may sound angry. It may use harsh words.It may yell ” Get Away, you ugly bitch!”
And here is where those simple  tools for remaining judgement free come in to play. This is the time ,as all times are, to stay steady . strong. unwavering.centered in the heart.

This the time to say ,”Thank you for letting me know you are there. I love you.I release the judgement I held on you. I accept you exactly as you are. Thank you for what you taught me about life. Thank you for trusting me to bring you home to my bigger self. Thank you for teaching me how to love.”

Thank u.

 

Heart’s Knowing

We have  thrilling experiences of gathering , laughing , learning

We return to our lives

different,

more,

and we want that

something more

all the time.

I grieve the loss

of  you,

the loss

of you,

the loss of

you….

the loss

of

me

in u.

We are not promised

forever.

We have only seconds sometimes

to connect.

We may

do it powerfully

and expand to more than we were before .

or we may avoid contact

and dig ourselves

further into monotony,

walking zombies,

going nowhere.

Loss is but the opportunity

to give more love

to the next

one we meet.

 

 

 

 

 

Hesitation’s Demise

I didn’t know what the cost would be

of hesitating

waiting for a clear sign to move forward

to take that leap

into the unknown

I kept waiting to be stronger

when it wouldn’t matter,

when it wouldn’ t hurt so much

i waited

and i stayed the same

even with valiant attempts to change

the inertia

more there than the valor

won

i know now to take any step

no matter how small

take them in each moment

that I can

each in breath take  in the new ,

each out breath

release the old

to have something to lean into when egos

mostly mine

want to convince me that no progress has been made

that failure is the only reality

i anchor in the steady and certain waters

of a life well loved

for all that it was

and is

sustaining unwavering

ongoing

evolution

Mirrored Hate

what does it do to you

inside when you see them

that so much venom

you save for them ?

i hoped for a girl

when I gave birth

i believed i could not

have all life that was mine to

know

ever

with his ambered masculinety

by my side

she could  pass thru your

paranoid  radar

she posed no threat to your

manhood

i believed that

i must bend and twist and turn myself

into pieces of me that you

could live with

until one day

the dots connected .

i understood how our

past choices, now choices

all contribute to who we are

i understand now that

we may choose from our highest self

always there

always ready to change the course our destiny

the One self in which we all abide in potential

paints a different picture

of life

some parts  of us  are in a death spiral,cancerous

nature taking care to recycle

that which  has forgotten  to do no harm

some parts of us are

thriving

enlivening the rest

we do blame other don’t we

for our damaged parts inside

for the parts of us that refuse to allow Love

to nurture us

If you only knew

that he that u love to wrestle to the ground

wth unfair advantage

is your mirror to how you

secretly hate

parts of yourself

that you just cant stand

the parts that must be accepted and loved

they show you

what you shut down in yourself

they are the key

the key to your inner freedom

the end to your oppression

of yourself

and  the dawning  of your

new

tomorrows

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’d Better Tell You Now

I’d  better tell you now

from this view,

about the river

of unending

thank yous

running in me

to you.

 

the companion you are

that you have been

heart of my heart

skin of my skin

waliking with me,

it seems,

thru many times and forms

together

mirroring our unsettledness,

our returning

to embrace Love’s

gifts,

 

beyond the hugs and kisses

beyond laughter and collaboration

to the tears ,separation

sickness

loss

trauma and devastation

even so

learning that

we are fortunate

to be on the journey,

to give it direction

and to b joyous in its unfolding

no matter what.

and in those moments

of

finding we can accept

it all

we become

whole,

one

breathing organism

of

life, no

more

other.