To Love a Traitor

Once u were just someone i was curious about.

Once your travels were simply an adventure to be known.

An immature ,wounded  curiosity may have sensed the power that you wield to destroy

and it called to you for healing  that you could not give.

It was introduced to you,the traitor, and your gifts of separation, duality, power over, deception, survival, denial of  the truth.

and in a  moment of deep regret disconnected from  its natural  healing  embrace  of  unending love  .

Here u are  as i dreaded ,as i sustpected u probably , could be , maybe there

I did not want to see u .

I shut down feeling u until u squeezed yourself free from my grasp  to ooze out thru everything i did and said .

I suppressed u until u mutated a thousand strong and integrated entirely into my life,

until my sense of self dwindled to self hatred and disgust , feeling unwanted and unloved ,

until l imagined how it could  be to disappear from the face of the earth,

so intolerable was the thought of your living in me.

I could not bear even the possibility that you were there , a part of me.

It required of me abilities beyond humanness to accept and to love

abilities we all have access to,

yet feel unworthy to receive .

May the longing of our true self’s heart continually create  first responses

of love everlasting ,  all  encompassing.

May we enter unencumbered into the cave of our own true hearts to





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