as the pain burns in my chest, i feel  tears restrain . come in tears, no need to hide , fall as u may, where u may. i can hold the tempest that waits to burst free , the pus that aches to to spill .

i know you could not trust me before. i ran away , avoided looking at what was forming beneath my skin. i could not tolerate,could not bear the sting of my choices made impulsively ,wisdom nowhere insight,choices made in haste, in fear, in the freedom that momentary decisions offer with no foresight.

that choice would cast my life differently with no awareness at the time  of the pain its memory  woudl bring. no awareness showed itself when i chose  that whihc in these moments evokes a  gasp , a cry escaping  suddenly ,with the decision never to feel it again.

here i am .turns of the circle later always coming back to where i left off …judging you for exisiting . wanting you to go away forever, pretending you are not there. naming you as that poor choice i made back then rejecting you. yet you are still with me . my friend. painful pus spread deeply into my core.

i am ready to set you free, to heal to feel what must be felt to move forward .the product of that poor choice once hidden now brought into the light of day. to see, to accept ,to acknowledge. yes ,you are part of me now a rock firming my foundation. may i sit with you? learn what you bring ? you are a precious touchstone , a partner in my growth on my journey home thank u pain, thank u.

7/23/16 Linda Lawson

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